You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
I checked into jail on foursquare
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he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
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But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard