glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
are you so shy because you have an std?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores