You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
are you so shy because you have an std?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
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Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
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I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?