I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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