Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
