I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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