i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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