I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
