i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
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I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
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If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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