ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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