I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
