I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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