Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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