my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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