I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
