She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
