is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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