I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
