come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize