So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
