Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Randomize
