I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
