i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
this hospital has no fireball
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
