My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
