Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
