I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
