Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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