in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
