I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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