Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
