New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
