____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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