he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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