How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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