i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You made out with two different species that night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
