Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
