No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
