She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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