i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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