Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
