sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
