He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
