Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
