Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
