I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
