I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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