Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
