some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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