I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
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See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
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I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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