Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
