I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
