he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
