somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
