I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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