Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
