So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
All the doctor said was why
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
