She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
is wine microwaveable?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
