i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
