OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
