Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
