I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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