do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
