Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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