i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
