Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
dude. I can hear the air.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
