I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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