At least make sure they are 18
Why
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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