He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
