Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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