i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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