One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The power of my boobs compel you
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
