Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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