When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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