not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
