is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
