My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
