Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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